One of the biggest surprises that face women is when they meet the family of the man they have already fallen head-over-heels over. Realistically, it’s too late to walk away without hurting yourself and the man you profess to love.
However, it might be in your best interest to do just that. You may have met and fallen for the right guy, but his family is part of the package that comes with him. Unless the two of you move to another country there will be visits on Sundays, Holidays and birthdays. You might not think that those dates come closely, but after just a couple years of dealing with
“mom” on the phone or arguing with “dad,” you’ll be wondering how you ever made the decision to marry into this family.
And, truthfully, you are marrying the family and just the guy.
The other assessment you have to make involves the fact that most children turn out just like their parents. Do you want to know what your guy is going to “kind of” look like, act like and BE like? Just take a look at his father. It is one of the best predictors.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. There will be men who turn out nothing like their families and you wonder if genes took a holiday. But the rule of thumb holds in the majority of cases.
Instead of waiting until you’ve fallen in love, you may want to suggest that you meet each other’s families when you both think that there might be something between you but you aren’t completely committed. This might not be the “norm” for your friends, but it will save you hours of grief, arguments and disagreements over the years.
Another problem that you might uncover as you meet the family is a history of abuse – emotional, physical or mental. Each causes significant damage to the family unit and the children. As adults, these men may find it difficult to trust you, to be a good parent to their own children or to hold down a job for long periods of time. They may be perfectionists, try to please everyone or have underlying anger problems.
Because they grew up in a home where they had been abused, they may feel like any negative attention from you is deserved. He may have difficulty standing up for himself or believe that he should be miserable in a family relationship because that was the norm when he grew up. If you find this behavior pattern at his home, it’s time to be straightforward and authentic. Talk with him about getting professional help so your relationship and parenting skills are not colored by his past. If he is ready, he’ll be willing. If he isn’t willing or ready, it is not wise to enter in to a permanent relationship or have children with this man.
We know that, when in love, we are not always wise. So before you enter into a relationship be sure you have a quality friend who will be honest with you and whom you will trust. Too often, the people outside of the relationship will have a clearer picture of what you are living through.